Reasons why Marriages are not working in India properly and how to fix it?

Dr. Aastha Bhardwaj

“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threaded, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last — more than passion or even sex!”

• By Simone Signoret

In Indian culture, Marriage is the purest bond between two persons and the unbreakable thread between two families. Even every woman once in her life dreams about getting married to her love or the person chosen by her family. However, what is happening with Indians now?  

That was long in the past. Indians marry and respect one another and live a beautiful path with each other’s back. Wondering what a time it was when everybody wished to possess a genuine and respectful bond with their partners without any knot in the relationship.

Wait, wait! But what marriage exactly looks to be today for Indians? I believe a good and quick method to get everything in no time. Today Parents even teach their sons and daughters from childhood, “Get married, and you’ll get everything you dream of “. Mean what is the purpose behind feeding something like this in your children’s minds and after this you still expect them to be respectful, kind, and selfless towards in-laws?

 It’s believed that Marriage is the key to happiness. But it’s not the only method of becoming rich. Still, why do our parents continuously teach us from our very teenage to get married as early as possible and live our life by being dependent on someone whom we didn’t even know a little? Rather, why not our parents feed us, get ourselves independent first, and then marry if you want to?

Reasons why Indians wish to get married

1.1 From the Female aspect:

A) Easy escape method

I knew every female wants to get herself free from her strict parents’ home but is this secure method to rely on? What Indian females typically think is that if we get married we can let ourselves free from our parent’s home and live with someone whom we didn’t even know properly.

But wait a minute! Is this going to work? Or you still live the same way. Can’t we think a little about it?

• What if they don’t treat us in the way we dreamt of?
• What if they treat us worse than our parents?
• Or what if they only treat us as their grandson-producing machine?

B) How to fix it:-

~ Don’t just rely on your husband financially let yourself be independent first before marriage and live your life accordingly.

~ Try to build a healthy and trustful relationship with your husband and talk about your kid’s plan. Then talk with your in-laws about it they will surely understand you and never force you to have kids before you both want it.

1.2 From the Man aspect:-

A) To relieve anger

 They see as if marriage is the only way to expelled out their anger.

Most Indian men’s community thinks that if they get married they have a full right to beat their wives whenever they wish to.

1. Like coming from work if the boss had scolded them for no reason. Husbands just beat up their wives only to relieve their anger. Is this applicable?
2. Or if they are just angry with someone else also. They leash out their anger on their wives. Is this what the husband supposes to do?

How to fix it?

~ Just talk with your wife about the whole day and tell her about your problem or anger issues.

~ Trust your wife or other half and talk with her freely about everything. She will help you to calm your anger by any means or just complete make you feel that there is someone who listens to you.

B) To relieve your own sexual desires

Some husbands think of their wives as a robot without any emotions with whom they can have sex anytime they want to! But is it not mandatory to ask your wife’s consent first?

How to fix it:-

~ Whenever you have any urge to have a physical relationship with your wife just at least ask her once.

~ Or build an atmosphere around yourselves and then ask her. But without her consent don’t force yourself on her.

1.3 From Parent’s perspective:-

A) Get a Free Maid

 Specifically, In-laws of females get a free and permanent maid who can cook, clean, and do all sources of work for them without any rest or anything. And most Indian families have this basic thinking “If their son does house chores after marriage it is considered as if he is doing some kind of crime, on the same hand when their daughter-in-law does the same it is considered her duty”. 

How to fix it:-

~ Just consider her as their daughter and not only allow her to do the chores.

~ On the same hand teach your son to help your wife with all the chores because after marriage it’s not only her duty it is your duty as well to help her.

B) Get Enough Rich

Most Indian families of both sides whether it’s male or female after marriage have the same thinking that if you teach your son enough you are allowed to take money from a female family after marriage and that’s what we called “Dowry”. In India now it is considered a legal crime to take dowry on both sides but still Indian society thinks that if we teach our son enough and make him an engineer then we are proud enough of dowry from a female family. And same goes for the female side if we make our daughter a doctor. We are compatible enough to make money from their son-in-law.

Conclusion: – ” Do everything you have to do, but not with greed, not with ego, not with lust, not with envy but with love, compassion, humility and devotees.

– By Shrimad Bhagawat geeta.

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