Feeling Alive- When Alive!

Sitting infront of the idle computer screen, Priya was looking at the countdown of the stop watch. For her, it hardly matters. A second after a second was passing ‘tik-tik-tik’ but was status quo for her mind. No force, no fear was powerful enough to help her get rid of those loyal negative thoughts.

Why this? And, then why that? And, then why not that? She could not find answers to these affirmatives. Instead of her every try, she failed. Yes, she failed once again and this time it was a final chance! No one can reverse the time and do correction in the days gone, so is she. Knowing the very truth of life, her mind and her heart was not able to accept the change that has occured.

….these thought were cent percent loyal to her and in no way they were ready to leave her alone with her frequent laughter and smile (she was defamous for laughing too much too often in her college times).

Ohk! Ohk! Look you exam time is heading, focus on the computer screen, your exam is nearing- she told her mind with an urge to shut up! But in vain. It was as if she is asking for a helping hand from anyone outside world to take her out of this marshy land where she is in, else she will drown deeper and deeper. Not a single thing was able to console her for this failure. Anyways, life is about looking forward but no, I don’t want to look forward- questions followed by answers she kept giving herself. Such state was infact for last more than a month but since last week it was on its paramount.

Oh! “You may start your Exam” -was written on the computer screen. With a heavy heart and depress mind she touched the mouse and start clicking the answers. With this she pushed herself hard enough to concentrate but could not last her concentration for more than merely 10 questions. Her mind kept taking her to the flashbacks to remind her of her wounds, her torn skin and damaged soul. Situation was typical enough because along with this present emotional low she was going to lose another chance to re-write her destiny. She was helpless as she can’t understand any question beyond just 10 questions she attempted. Instead of the fact that she was intelligent enough who could solve the typical numerical problems which no one could and was loaded with the world knowledge but this time! She found herself in a state where doing a merely an easiest addition or subtraction seems impossible for her. Reading even a single statement was not possible for this girl who completed her master’s with a distinction!

Half time of the exam is over. She has not moved beyond those ten questions.

Amid all these unlikely situations, she asked her what if she fail this exam once again? And, What if she passes this exam? Where lies the Key to her smile????

Closing her eyes, she went back to again to the same past but this time to bring out the moments of her courage, her extra ordinary bravery, her hardwork, her passion for life, her never ending laughter, her zeal to fight the odd things and actually, here she found plenty of reasons. A sign of hope surfaced back in her eyes.

Yes! She was born to lead a life. Yes! She is still alive. Let me fail once more, she told herself. Let me see this scattered hope too. Why living the expectations of others who has done nothing except irreparable recoverable loss to me. Ohk! What if I fail this exam too! I am still alive!

It’s ok to fail It’s ok to fail again* !!!!

But the most important thing is- feeling alive when alive!!!!!

Story By – Supriya Minakshi